Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
