I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
