I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
