Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
