my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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