i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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