They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
