I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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