Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
