Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
