i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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