I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
