Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
