haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
