I met the friendliest cop last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
