Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
