I just cut my nipple shaving
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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