Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
