my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
