THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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