After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
