Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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