I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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