i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
