I CAN MOONWALK!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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