So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
