Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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