So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Randomize
