dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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