We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
