Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
