Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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