i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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