she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
