and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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