she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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