I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize