YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
