Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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