I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
