just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
