I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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