Can i not drive my cunt home
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize