Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
