im holly from the hills drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
