i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
