Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
