Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
