There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
