so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT