Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass