Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm