just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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