Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real