so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..