Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.