Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
