grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
