I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
