An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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