After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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