Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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