oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
