I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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