I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
