Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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