Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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