Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
