Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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