i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize