So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When did angry sex become our thing?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
