Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
