Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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