Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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