Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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