In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
