haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
