you win again, gameday.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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