His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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