i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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