If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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