I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
