so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
