He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
