I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
