I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
