dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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