we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
