So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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